In Spring of 2008 I became a Case Manager at the state hospital. I was told to do well in my supervisors, the Program Specialist, absence and when he moved up I would have a good chance for his position. I took this very seriously. Every time I filled in for him he came back to e-mails commending me, I know because he forwarded them to me and to his boss. Also on my 1 year eval he described me as having "a great work ethic" and producing "flawless work". So when he became a Program Director I thought it was my chance to move up. He moved up in May 2009 and in Aug. 2009 the job was posted, I applied. My friend Melisa said that she would pray that God's will would be done. Being selfish and immature I told her to pray that I get the job. I the mean time a job at DARS was posted and I applied thinking 'just in case I need a backup plan'. Everything in me and most of teh people around me told me that the Program Specialist job was going to be mine. Finally on Dec. 11, 2009, after a written assignment and an interview with a panel of 3, I received an e-mail that I had been 'not selected'. It also said all kinds of crap about how good ALL of the applicants were and how sorry they were that there was only one position. I was so disappointed and even bitter. Due to one of my co-workers getting the job (hence the bitterness) my job was greatly affected. I felt like I was being punished or being taught a lesson by God. I was already in a place where I was ready to move on with my career and having my job duties changed made me feel like I was being demoted. I was so low. Over New Years I spent a lot of time alone in the car (with the kids) and with the help of my collection of Christian music I gave things over to God. I even decided that maybe this was all happening to show that I needed to better manage the money I made before God would give me raise. I got called for an interview with DARS but I felt like I was the only applicant without a master’s degree. It was a boost to my ego to have the interview. I did not tell anyone at work. I did not feel like I would get a new job. I was able to adapt and do well with my new duties. On Friday January 22, 2010 I was called an offered the job at DARS! This job is so much more then I even knew. I have many opportunities to help others; they will pay for my master’s degree and give me time at work to work on school work. Also I can have a flex schedule! I could not be more blessed. I am soooo glad that Melisa’s heart and prayers were on target even when mine were not. God knew what I needed and where I needed to be. Here is the song-
Jaci Velasquez - Lay It Down
CD: Beauty Has Grace
I've been looking 'til my eyes are tired of looking
Listening 'til my ears are numb from listening
Praying 'til my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floor
I know that You know that my heart is aching
I'm running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don't think that I can carry
The burden of it anymore
All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands
Chorus
So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go
I'm gonna lay it down
I've been walking through this world like I'm barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I've been digging
But You're pulling me out and I'm finally breathing
In the open air
This room may be dark but I'm finally seeing
There's a new ray of hope and now I'm believing
That the past is the past and the future's beginning to look brighter now
'Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands
Chorus
So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go
I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna lay it down
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